Argue With Yourself

 

 

INTRO

Do you have a certain belief that you feel passionate about?

Think it over for a moment. Something you firmly believe in.

It could be that women should be able to terminate a pregnancy, or that animals should not be eaten, or that healthcare should be universal.

Here are a few other examples::

• Should adults have the right to carry a handgun?
• Should the death penalty be allowed?
• Should euthanasia be legal?
• Should prostitution be legal?

Personally, I can jump through each of those pretty quick and give you a strong “yes” or “no”. In fact, my blood starts pumping as I begin to read through them, thinking about the arguments that other people may have who feel different than I do.

My brain even starts coming up with reasons and justifications as to why my view is right, and by the end of the list I’ve started a heated debate in my head.

MAKE YOUR CHOICE

So, for the most eye opening experience of your life, I’ll now ask you to choose the belief you feel most strongly about.

The one that sticks out and gets your blood pumping just thinking about someone expressing that they feel the opposite.

Got it? Great.

THE TEST

Now, for the next 15 minutes you will dig up facts (from credible sources), find testimonials (if possible), and scour the web to argue, fight, and even viciously promote the OPPOSITE view from your strongly held belief.

Aggressively pro-choice? Now you’re fighting for the rights of unborn children everywhere.  Think the death penalty is the worst decision in US history? Now you’re fighting to implement it in every state. Avid meat eater? Better convince us that the entire country must switch to a plant-based diet.

REACTION

Mild: You elicit curious or positive facial expressions. You nod your head, swing your arms, or exclaim “yeah!” excitedly.

Moderate: You make a face of disgust, lean backwards, clench your hands, pull your arms close to your body, or turn your head away.

Agitated: You elicit an aggressive or violent reaction such as throwing items, making exclamations such as “fuck this shit” or “this is horseshit”, walk away, or physically assault or harm another person.

In 15 minutes you must compile an argument convincing enough to sway your fellow peers.  You must have a prepared speech with at least 4 arguments.

Ready? Go.

NOTE

Those who exhibit moderate reactions will get the most out of this exercise. This is becuase they possess the eagerness and ability to learn, but their emotional intelligence is still being formed. Therefore there is potential for growth and development.

Those who exhibit mild reactions likely already have the ability to see an argument from both sides, but likely have yet to inject themselves into a situation such as this where they must not only feel but argue another viewpoint.This group with therefore also benefit from this exercise.

Those who exhibit agitated reactions rarely participate in the exercise, or will pretend to participate while actually building up resentment against the other participants.  This fostered hatred has not yet resulted in any beneficial results and more often leads to expulsion or physical harm.

 

 

 

How to Move to Canada!

So you want to move to Canada, eh?

Is that because you refused to choose between an unlikable old frail corrupt woman and a misogynistic uneducated combatant jerk?

Or perhaps you protested by voting for an independent!

Either way – I have some hard truth for you, that you may not be ready for:

Ready?

If you didn’t vote, or voted for anyone other than those that would lead to Hilary in the white house, the current situation (your president elect), is your own fault.

OUCH. Those italics really hit home, eh? (Side note: I don’t usually say “eh” as often as this, but it does seem fitting).

So anyway, MOVING TO CANADA!

In all fairness, the fault may actually not lay on you, but on the person who typed out the ballots. After all, if they had labelled her “NOT Trump” instead of “Hillary Clinton” she probably would have have stood a chance.

Fact is, those that wanted Trump voted Trump and those that hated both of them didn’t vote.

Do you know what that means? Yep, you rested on your laurels thinking no way he would get elected and BOOM, shit happened. Woke up in Trumpland!

And important side note: Protesting??? Really???

We all know very few of you voted in the first place, so realizing now that you fucked up and storming the streets in anger on a weekday because you have no full-time job will really not do anything for your cause.

Sorry….

So anyways, here are ways you can move to Canada:

You might be eligible for Express Entry, which includes the following federal economic immigration programs:

• the Federal Skilled Worker Program
• the Federal Skilled Trades Program
• the Canadian Experience Class

In addition:

Take a language test (Fee approx $300CAD)

Canada’s official languages are English and French. You need to submit language test results for all programs under Express Entry, even if English or French is your first language.

You also need to achieve a minimum score on this test.

Moving to Canada is actually pretty difficult.  Not to mention our entire country is less than the size of California.

Instead, maybe just vote next time.

Sorry…

 

 

 

What is Happiness?

Have you ever asked a friend or family member: “What do you think the purpose of life is?”.

If you haven’t, I recommend trying it out.

What’s your answer?  Take a moment and think about it.

Seriously.  What is the purpose of life?

Write it down in front of you.

I’ve asked a few people, and most often the answer is either a sarcastic reply, a misdirection or a general non-answer.  After all, it really isn’t everyday general conversation. Understandably, even when worked into conversation (as best one can), it takes people off-guard.

In my experience, those that do give an honest answer usually say “to be happy”. Which, in all honesty, is what I would say as well.

My rational is that, on the grand scheme of things, we’re here for a short while, and therefore “the purpose of life is to find happiness and be fulfilled”.

If you do end up asking this question to others you may find this is the answer you get as well.

So, if this is the most common answer, the next question then becomes: “If the purpose of life is happiness…What defines happiness?”.

After all, the definition could mean many different things to different people, right?  One person could say “happiness is a double cheeseburger” while another could say “I am happy only when engaging in deep meaningful conversation”.

Does this mean happiness is subjective?

… think about that for a moment…

Does what makes me happy differ from you, and if so, should I do everything in my power to ensure my own happiness?

This line of reasoning is dangerous as it seems to lead to justified selfishness. Example:  “I’m going to go out drinking with my friends tonight because I’ve had a hard week and I deserve it, so if I call in sick tomorrow it isn’t a big deal.”

The overarching problem is people mistaking pleasure for happiness.

Pleasure: I want this now to feel good. Happiness: I am content with my life on a larger scale.

Seems pretty simple!

In practice though, it doesn’t quite play out.  To be happy overall we must do things that we don’t really enjoy. We help others, go to work, do our chores, etc.

Some find joy in these day-to-day activities, but most do them simply because they need to.  Either way, it leads to a fulfilled, meaningful life.

Some people think “if I won the lottery I would be so happy”. This simply isn’t true.  In fact, studies have shown that those that win the lottery see a spike in happiness after winning but this dips down to normal levels after a very short time.

Why is this? Because your normal defines your happiness.  If you can’t be happy with what you have you cannot achieve more.

So what is happiness?  It is your overall perception of the quality of your life.  If you feel it isn’t “enough” or you should be feeling more, this may be an experience of displeasure and not an overall discontentment.

Take a moment.  List out the facets of your life you are grateful for. And answer the question:

Are you happy?

 

 

 

 

Pokemon Go: To Play or Not to Play?

Have you found yourself thinking “everyone else is playing Pokemon Go, should I download it too?!”

If you are a huge gamer, then yes.  Obviously.  Why did you even ask? Go catch ’em all!

BUT, if you are NOT a gamer, and just jumping on board because everyone else is playing Pokemon Go, these questions will help you decide:

1. Are You in a Relationship?
   If you answered “YES”, that means your significant other has Pokemon access, allowing you to participate in the Pokemon hunt, without leading to Pokemon obsession.
   If you answered “NO”, then obviously you should go play.  Not only will you make new friends but you may even pick up some other Poke-gamer while out and about  and BOOM = insta connection 😉
2. Do You Know 10+ of the Names of the Pokemon in Pokemon Go?
   If you answered “NO” that means you haven’t played Pokemon before or are less likely to become obsessed with the game, so yes, go play.
   If you answered “YES” then you shouldn’t even be reading this blog because you’re obs a gamer already (see above), so why are you even here.  UNLESS you were one of those people who played Pokemon Snap as a child, which I have huge respect for, so still, go play.
3. Do You Have an Obsessive Personality?
   If you answered “NO” that means you are less likely to push aside other responsibilities to play the game and should definitely play the game.  Although you may get bored quickly so don’t forget to remove it from your phone when you do.
   If you answered “YES” I highly recommend not downloading the game.  Especially if you have not done so already! There are so many people who are so far ahead of you, downloading it now will just be disappointing (not to mention distract you from whatever else it is you do in life that is more important than Pokemon).
4. Are you Worried About Data Usage?
   Many places these days have Wi-Fi, which is great, but there as so many Pokemon NOT in the wifi areas that this will use up a lot of your data.  So unless you have a ton of data, Pokemon Go is a nogo for you.
5. When Driving, is Your Phone within Reach?
   If you answered “NO” that means you won’t be tempted to catch Pokemon while driving, so Pokemon away.
   If you answered “YES” then you should a) never download this game.  EVER.  EVER. EVER. b) never download this game.  EVER.  EVER. EVER. and c) never download this game.  EVER.  EVER. EVER. – Even if you have one of those cars that will text and call through Siri, DO NOT.  “Why?”  You ask.
   BECAUSE SIRI DOESN’T CATCH POKEMON.
   You will want to catch Pokemon, and Siri won’t be able to.  SO unless you have a co-pilot at all times in your car, DO NOT DOWNLOAD THIS GAME.

 

If you answered NO to most of these questions, then cool, go ahead and download Pokemon Go and join the trend.  Personally, I answered YES to too many to justify downloading the game. Especially the obsessive personality question – I will catch them all and I will beat everyone and I will wiiiiiiiiin. too much.

 

 

 

 

Top 15 Reasons to Be Single This Summer

Single for the summer?  Pick up 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single for the complete list of why being single this summer is going to be simply amazing.

In the meantime, check out our Top 15 Reasons for Staying Single this Summer!

1. Look Better: Being single means you have more time to hit the gym and get that beach-ready bod.
2. Have More Time to Travel: No need to compare your schedule with your “other” – just grab a friend and take off!
3. Save Some Coin: Summertime means warm weather and that means dates that don’t cost a fortune! Picnic on the beach? Yes please!
4. No Sharing Your Ice Cream: Does this even need an explanation?? Not having to share your cookie dough double scoop should really be enough.
5. Find Your Stuff Quickly: Summertime means getting home from work, grabbing your beach gear and sprinting back to your besties’ car to hit the beach before sun down. Being single means you don’t have someone moving your things around and causing unnecessary “where’s my suit” type question time-wasters.
6. Take Advantage of Bonus Invites: Summertime means summertime events, and whenever anyone has a +1 you are always the #1 invite!
7. Go on Guilt-free Adventures: No need to worry about disappointing your beau when you get invited onto that shirtless all-male speed boat. Sail away you single saucy broad!
8. Belt it Out: There is an air of liberation when driving around solo in the summer and belting out your summertime tunes.  You just don’t have the same freedom and ridiculousness with your “other” in the car.
9. Let it Hang Low: Although more accurate for those of the male variety, this still rings true for girls.  Being naked in your own home is extremely liberating if you’re single (**side note: and live alone. Unless the roommates are keen on those kind of shenanigans…).
10. Be a Visitor in Your Own City: When you’re single you get to go on first dates! That means being a visitor in your own city and checking out the exciting touristy things you wouldn’t normally do.
11. Mix up Your Meals: Summertime means farmers markets! No need to worry about what your “other” does or doesn’t like, you can create your own summertime concoctions that you enjoy!
12. No Random Mess: No need to worry about bathing suits tossed over the bannister and sand sprinkled on the floor when you get home from work. The only random summertime messes are from your beachwear….and somehow they are much less annoying when they are yours!
13. Treat Yourself: Summertime means all those winter clothes are shoved into the back of your closet and new summer-wear is out on display in the stores at a reasonable cost (especially considering you’re only buying half the shirt)… go ahead and rock those crop tops you single saucy broad!
14. Find Your Zen: No matter how similar you are to someone, or how well you get along, there will always be times when you fight.  Summertime is not a time for fighting; it’s a time to relax, tan, swim, and maybe grab a few bevvies. Being single means no conflict.
15. Sexy Magic: As soon as you own your singleness you immediately become more attractive to those around you. Whether you’re strutting down the beach, sauntering up to the barista, or casually tossing that Frisbee back to the individual with the winning “thank you” smile, you are owning this summer!!

* For the full article see Top 15 Reasons to be Single this Summer

**For the full 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single book see Amazon

Did I miss one?  Leave your comment below!!

Health Benefits of Being Single

Given that you are reading this article, I’ll assume that you have read more than one article outlining how day-to-day stress leads to significant health concerns. If not, there are quite a few examples of how stress impacts the body listed here.

BUT did you know that being single can actually reduce stress??

More specifically, being single can reduce depression & anxiety, lower high blood pressure, help manage obesity, enhance sexual desire and lower the effect of gastrointestinal problems such as gastritis and irritable colon.

Sound too good to be true? Not quite.

Many people jump into relationships because they feel the social stigma tells them they have to. Studies show that most are simply scared of being single. Is it not ironic that being in a relationship with the wrong person, can actually lead to more stress than being single?? I think so.

The simple fact is, if you focus less on trying to find someone and more on yourself and your health, you will not only create a less stressful lifestyle and thus decrease the potential of later health detriments, but you’ll also make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex; live longer, AND meet sexy singletons in the process!

 

 

Why Tinder is NOT the Answer

Ooh congrats, you found TINDER.  Or maybe you are just researching Tinder and stumbled upon this, in which case maybe read this first before plunging into that online hookup cesspool.

In the 2016 world of dating, relationships that don’t work out are all too common. Women secretly hope for romance and monogamy, but then when he says he “only does hookups” we’re surprised, and even hurt, when 3 months later we find out he’s dating other women.

Why do we do that? Why do we carry on for so long?

Well, at first I had no idea. I came back into this dating pool as a saucy single female in 2014 after 4 long-term relationships (pretty much sequentially), only to discover that the dating lifestyle was not the way I left it almost a decade ago.

At first, and I’m ashamed to admit it, I blamed this dating dichotomy on other women. I had heard that “no one commits”, “it’s all digital now”, and “everyone just sees each other without labels”. Which, in my mind meant other girls were allowing guys to treat them this way.

So, in my ignorance I joined Tinder, thinking that I just wasn’t like these other girls.  Oh, how wrong I was.

At first it felt good.  I liked the attention I was getting, and I even made plans to meet with a couple guys. Given my monogamous nature though, after a good first month of dating one guy I cut the others off and deleted my tinder… only to find out a month later that he was still very active.

The worst part is, many girls carry on, accepting the non-label of “seeing each other”, while making statements such as:

1. “He’s such a dick.  He invited me to his house on the first date, then we had sex and he never called me”.
2. “OMG don’t date him, he’s hooked up with me and 3 of my best friends.”
3.  “Guys are such douches, I haven’t met one guy off Tinder who has actually taken me on a date.”
4. He only likes me when I come over to sleep with him.  He doesn’t even know what I do for work or who my friends are”.

 

The problem with these types of statements is that the focus is on their faults and not what we can do differently.  The only way to regain power is to focus on our part. For each of these, think “what can I DO to prevent this from happening? What is in my power or control?”

Sometimes it is easy to focus on someone else’s part because they are obviously in the wrong.  Trouble is though, you can’t fix anything by pointing out why someone else is wrong. The only power that you have is your own. And owning this part does NOT make you a bad person…  BUT… it does make you happy.

So, if you are at all interested, here is how you can change the dating landscape:

1.  Meet in public for your first date
2.  Never have more than 2 glasses of wine/drinks on a first date
3.  As soon as you feel a “red flag”, move on…

My biggest advice is NEVER worry that you’ll miss out by turning someone down.  That simply means they weren’t right for you at that time.

Bottom line… you are an amazing individual and don’t let todays dating world trick you into thinking you’re worth less than you are!

How to Date in 2016

Welcome to the age of Tinder, Netflix and chill and hedonistic shallow relationships!!

Isn’t it great?!?!  You can just download an app, send a few lines of text, (which are usually read without context and therefore interpreted incorrectly)… and *poof!* a relationship made up in your head is formed.

Suddenly, your empty void is filled and you are texting back and forth in a flirty banter that makes you feel slightly dirty and yet oddly confident!  Does it matter that you’re an unintentional contestant in your very own Tinder Bachelor?  No way, they’re clearly only interested in you because you’re so super.  Fuck those other tinder sloots.

Sooooo if you haven’t interpreted the sarcasm yet, by “this is great” I mean absolutely horrible and wrong. Which you’ve told yourself over and over and yet… keep making excuses about. Let’s just take a minute though, together, to be honest with each other.  This entire process is f*cked.

F*****cked.

Again. Sit with it. Let it settle.

F*cked.

UNLESS of course, you’re a super creepy perv, or a sex addict, or even a dude with a gf who needs to creep around without her knowing.  In THAT case, it is super peachy.

And let’s be honest, for those free-spirited sexually charged ladies who recently broke up with their guys it isn’t that terrible (unless you meet the aforementioned creepy pervs/sex addicts/dude with gf).

We’ve all asked ourselves – “Where did this come from? How did it get like this?”  WELL. I’M ABOUT TO DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YOU RIGHT NOW.

THE ANSWER IS…

It is you.  It’s f*cking you.

Don’t even try to deny it.  To my fellow women, don’t even try to say “f*ck that, that guy said [insert random rude comment]” or “how could you even say I prompted [insert random terrible action]”. And to my guys, I’ll stop you before your comment “that [female name calling] knew what this was”, or “I literally said hi and she was like [explicit proposition]”.

Those remarks, my friends, are what psychologists call projecting, or, blame shifting.  And they don’t just call it that because it’s fun to say and they like to sound smart (well, not the only reason); it’s called that because it happens so often that it actually needs a term.

The reason dating is the way it is today is because of each and every single one of us. We project our behavior onto others and then use that to excuse away the behavior.

So how do we change it?

Ladies – Next time a guy you meet online says something that doesn’t feel right, or makes you feel insecure/uneasy/wrong, rather than going with it, call them out.   “What you said is not okay with me and I won’t be talked to like that”. No matter what he says after that, that sentence does not make you a b*tch.  It makes you someone who respects herself. You know this; you know his behavior is not okay.  So instead of not reacting directly and then b*tching to your girls about it, realize that you can make a difference and change your behavior.

Guys – same blurb, different example.  You’re on an online dating site because you’re single and your penis needs some attention.  You ask girls to come over to have a drink and watch Netflix and they do.  So you take the position that they are, how we say… sloooooty. Let’s take a walk on a wild side and imagine if you had asked them for a walk on the sea-wall and an ice cream instead.  Holy f*ck! The date doesn’t end in them naked! Whaaaaat?!

My point is, don’t bitch about today’s dating lifestyle while participating in it. You always have a part in your predicament. I have yet to hear of a single situation where someone didn’t have a part in their uncomfortable circumstance. Try me. (seriously, comments below). Name a situation, and I’ll outline your part, however small, in continuing the pain/discomfort rather than moving on.

The good news?  If it’s our fault this atrocity is happening, then we have the power to change it. What if you delete tinder? Plan a romantic date for that girl you just met? Block that guy’s number from your phone for his remarks?

Next time, rather than tearing down today’s dating style. Take one action that actively prevents it.

 

Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT ANYONE WHO WANTS TO PUBLICLY DISPLAY THEIR OPINION ABOUT ANYTHING, NOW CAN.  With the assistance of the WORLD WIDE WEB!!!!!

??? I hope at this point you are saying “duh, what’s your point?”

Which you should be!  Other questions should be “Why is this weirdo using all capitals?  Why is she so worked up about this? Why does this even matter?”.

In which case….

It’s because, although on the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter that an uncomfortable amount of people are:

1. Backing Donald Trump for president
2. Saying that fat people just need to be yelled at more to be skinny
3. That all people on welfare should be drug tested

[pause for dramatic effect]

If you’re smart… you may be saying at this point, “well, but it does matter! I should stop reading now because that is so stupid I’m surprised we’re even mentioning it!” …In which case I will say KUDOS to you for using that large mass within your skull we call a “brain”. But bear with me…

I say it doesn’t really matter because it wouldn’t matter if people like us didn’t give it so much damn attention.  I realize that is more irony thrown into the mix because I’m writing about it but I felt the ends justified the means here and I’ll keep it brief.

WHY THE F&*K ARE WE TALKING ABOUT AND SHARING THIS GARBAGE?!

Apparently when dumb people say dumb things on social media we feel the need to share it and advertise how dumb it is.  But do you know what that does?  It just promotes that dumb content to more people who catch on and say “oh yeah, I think the same way! Fuck those [insert random group of minorities being targeted this week]”.

WHAT THE HE**.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONES.  And yet, we continue to promote, share, and advertise these racist, rude, and immoral remarks all in the name of defacing them.  How do we not see that by doing so we only work to promote the message that they intend to spread.

I need to stop now, because I’ve already gone on too long and done exactly what I’m messaging not to do.  I hope it’s for a good cause.  The next time you see an ignorant remark – please don’t share it.  Share this instead.

#besmart #dontpromotehate #loveall #globallove

 

 

Appreciating Your Worth

Relationships are difficult. Pursuing a relationship is even more difficult and anyone that has experienced the dating landscape will agree that the entire process is time consuming, frustrating and at many times overtly embarrassing.

So why do we do it? Perhaps it’s the complexity and mystery of meeting and engaging with another person on an emotional level. Or maybe it’s our avsion to being alone. Perhaps, it’s as simple as our biological predisposition to find someone for the benefit of procreation. Most likely, it’s a combination of all of those things.

If you are like me, and have experienced both dating in today’s dating landscape, as well as dating 10 years ago, you will notice three very prominent things about today’s dating environment (*Don’t worry: those of you who weren’t dating 10years ago but are actively dating now can likely still relate):

1) You Can Google Everyone

If you were dating online and meeting people 10ish years ago you needed a great profile photo (more than one ideally) and a bio that positioned you in a positive light. People read your bio because that’s all they really knew about you.

Today though, people have so many options that most people don’t even read profiles. It’s true. You can test this by putting something in your bio that is either shocking (enough to be comment worthy), or surprising, and leave it there for two weeks.  I once wrote about my pet avocado named herman and only one person ever mentioned anything about it.

There is much more access now to online knowledge  You can google people, look them up on LinkedIN, follow them on twitter, and even pull up images from last year’s Christmas party.

So how do you stand out?   Well, here’s what you don’t do: Don’t try to be cheesy.  Don’t use pick up lines or ask rehearsed questions.

Why? Because you sound fake – you sound like you’re trying to sell something. People you meet don’t want to be sold on you. They want a genuine person who is real and genuine and trustworthy.

So what do you do then?  It may sound obvious but it’s true – just be you. If you’re nervous, then say you’re nervous and if you haven’t dated in a while be open about it. There’s nothing wrong with being open and transparent about who you are – in fact the more open you are the more trustworthy (to a point, please don’t go spilling your entire biography on date number one).

2) Initial Interactions Are Not In Your Favor

When you meet someone, you immediately (but unconsciously) judge them as one of the following: friend, enemy, indifferent or sexual partner. Most people you meet in a day you will be indifferent towards. Unless you have some type of positive or negative interaction with them, it’s likely that you don’t even remember them. The lady you pass in the street, the cashier at the grocery store, the man who held the door for you… indifferent.

When meeting someone that you are attracted to then, and perhaps may even want to pursue a relationship with, you’re starting out in a disadvantaged state. Most people (especially women), are wary of men approaching them in general. The location this occurs in can even make this significantly more true) – think of the gym, when you’re wiping the stair machine just as Joe Smith waltzes over to ask how your workout is going. Nope.

So how do you approach someone you’re interested in? Be confident – you are a great catch, and this person would belucky to date you.  If you don’t believe that to be true then you shouldnt be trying to date in general. Number 1 is love you first. Secondly, don’t leer over them and half-ass approach them as if you’re waiting for the “best moment”. If you’re going to do it then do it – if you throw in %110 and she’s not interested then at least you know you did all you could do.  Lastly, be prepared for rejection. Most of the time you’ll be shut down.  It could be for any number of reasons  and most of the time it doesn’t even have anything to do with you. If you get shut down and they don’t tell you too much on why, just make up a reason in your mind why. Any reason. As long as that reason doesn’t place any blame on you.

3) There is a Positive Correlation Between Your Response Time and the Number of Dates You Get

Have you ever taken a leap of faith and sent the “first message” to someone that you were interested in?  Not a person in front of you but someone you either met online or exchanged numbers with and haven’t really spoken to yet. As soon as you send that message a knot forms in your stomach and you just wait in anticipation, wondering if and how they will respond. That waiting is torture.

Imagine now if instead of waiting minutes for a reply, the hours start to pass.  You start to wonder if they maybe don’t like you, or that whatver you said wasn’t clever enough, or that your profile photo wasn’t your best angle. You begin to form a scenario in your mind of things that could have happened or how they may be feeling, which are completely fabricated and yet entirely possible (and in your mind, even true).

Now imagine that they do get back to you.  A day after you’ve sent the message you receive a reply with apologies that they were at a conference and had just received your message. Perfectly valid excuse and yet because of all those things that had been going through your head over the past day your image of them had already been colored. Psychologically we judge people immediately in our subconscious and then find evidence to support those feelings.

First impressions matter. Response times matter. If your email response times are longer than 20minutes your chance of piquing or maintaining interest is slim to none.

Interested in the way I write? Check out 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to be Single now available on Amazon.