Welcome to the age of Tinder, Netflix and chill and hedonistic shallow relationships!!
Isn’t it great?!?! You can just download an app, send a few lines of text, (which are usually read without context and therefore interpreted incorrectly)… and *poof!* a relationship made up in your head is formed.
Suddenly, your empty void is filled and you are texting back and forth in a flirty banter that makes you feel slightly dirty and yet oddly confident! Does it matter that you’re an unintentional contestant in your very own Tinder Bachelor? No way, they’re clearly only interested in you because you’re so super. Fuck those other tinder sloots.
Sooooo if you haven’t interpreted the sarcasm yet, by “this is great” I mean absolutely horrible and wrong. Which you’ve told yourself over and over and yet… keep making excuses about. Let’s just take a minute though, together, to be honest with each other. This entire process is f*cked.
Again. Sit with it. Let it settle.
UNLESS of course, you’re a super creepy perv, or a sex addict, or even a dude with a gf who needs to creep around without her knowing. In THAT case, it is super peachy.
And let’s be honest, for those free-spirited sexually charged ladies who recently broke up with their guys it isn’t that terrible (unless you meet the aforementioned creepy pervs/sex addicts/dude with gf).
We’ve all asked ourselves – “Where did this come from? How did it get like this?” WELL. I’M ABOUT TO DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YOU RIGHT NOW.
THE ANSWER IS…
It is you. It’s f*cking you.
Don’t even try to deny it. To my fellow women, don’t even try to say “f*ck that, that guy said [insert random rude comment]” or “how could you even say I prompted [insert random terrible action]”. And to my guys, I’ll stop you before your comment “that [female name calling] knew what this was”, or “I literally said hi and she was like [explicit proposition]”.
Those remarks, my friends, are what psychologists call projecting, or, blame shifting. And they don’t just call it that because it’s fun to say and they like to sound smart (well, not the only reason); it’s called that because it happens so often that it actually needs a term.
The reason dating is the way it is today is because of each and every single one of us. We project our behavior onto others and then use that to excuse away the behavior.
So how do we change it?
Ladies – Next time a guy you meet online says something that doesn’t feel right, or makes you feel insecure/uneasy/wrong, rather than going with it, call them out. “What you said is not okay with me and I won’t be talked to like that”. No matter what he says after that, that sentence does not make you a b*tch. It makes you someone who respects herself. You know this; you know his behavior is not okay. So instead of not reacting directly and then b*tching to your girls about it, realize that you can make a difference and change your behavior.
Guys – same blurb, different example. You’re on an online dating site because you’re single and your penis needs some attention. You ask girls to come over to have a drink and watch Netflix and they do. So you take the position that they are, how we say… sloooooty. Let’s take a walk on a wild side and imagine if you had asked them for a walk on the sea-wall and an ice cream instead. Holy f*ck! The date doesn’t end in them naked! Whaaaaat?!
My point is, don’t bitch about today’s dating lifestyle while participating in it. You always have a part in your predicament. I have yet to hear of a single situation where someone didn’t have a part in their uncomfortable circumstance. Try me. (seriously, comments below). Name a situation, and I’ll outline your part, however small, in continuing the pain/discomfort rather than moving on.
The good news? If it’s our fault this atrocity is happening, then we have the power to change it. What if you delete tinder? Plan a romantic date for that girl you just met? Block that guy’s number from your phone for his remarks?
Next time, rather than tearing down today’s dating style. Take one action that actively prevents it.