Ooh congrats, you found TINDER. Or maybe you are just researching Tinder and stumbled upon this, in which case maybe read this first before plunging into that online hookup cesspool.
In the 2016 world of dating, relationships that don’t work out are all too common. Women secretly hope for romance and monogamy, but then when he says he “only does hookups” we’re surprised, and even hurt, when 3 months later we find out he’s dating other women.
Why do we do that? Why do we carry on for so long?
Well, at first I had no idea. I came back into this dating pool as a saucy single female in 2014 after 4 long-term relationships (pretty much sequentially), only to discover that the dating lifestyle was not the way I left it almost a decade ago.
At first, and I’m ashamed to admit it, I blamed this dating dichotomy on other women. I had heard that “no one commits”, “it’s all digital now”, and “everyone just sees each other without labels”. Which, in my mind meant other girls were allowing guys to treat them this way.
So, in my ignorance I joined Tinder, thinking that I just wasn’t like these other girls. Oh, how wrong I was.
At first it felt good. I liked the attention I was getting, and I even made plans to meet with a couple guys. Given my monogamous nature though, after a good first month of dating one guy I cut the others off and deleted my tinder… only to find out a month later that he was still very active.
The worst part is, many girls carry on, accepting the non-label of “seeing each other”, while making statements such as:
- “He’s such a dick. He invited me to his house on the first date, then we had sex and he never called me”.
- “OMG don’t date him, he’s hooked up with me and 3 of my best friends.”
- “Guys are such douches, I haven’t met one guy off Tinder who has actually taken me on a date.”
- He only likes me when I come over to sleep with him. He doesn’t even know what I do for work or who my friends are”.
The problem with these types of statements is that the focus is on their faults and not what we can do differently. The only way to regain power is to focus on our part. For each of these, think “what can I DO to prevent this from happening? What is in my power or control?”
Sometimes it is easy to focus on someone else’s part because they are obviously in the wrong. Trouble is though, you can’t fix anything by pointing out why someone else is wrong. The only power that you have is your own. And owning this part does NOT make you a bad person… BUT… it does make you happy.
So, if you are at all interested, here is how you can change the dating landscape:
- Meet in public for your first date
- Never have more than 2 glasses of wine/drinks on a first date
- As soon as you feel a “red flag”, move on…
My biggest advice is NEVER worry that you’ll miss out by turning someone down. That simply means they weren’t right for you at that time.
Bottom line… you are an amazing individual and don’t let todays dating world trick you into thinking you’re worth less than you are!