How to Move to Canada!

donald trump, Uncategorized

So you want to move to Canada, eh?

Is that because you refused to choose between an unlikable old frail corrupt woman and a misogynistic uneducated combatant jerk?

Or perhaps you protested by voting for an independent!

Either way – I have some hard truth for you, that you may not be ready for:

Ready?

If you didn’t vote, or voted for anyone other than those that would lead to Hilary in the white house, the current situation (your president elect), is your own fault.

OUCH. Those italics really hit home, eh? (Side note: I don’t usually say “eh” as often as this, but it does seem fitting).

So anyway, MOVING TO CANADA!

In all fairness, the fault may actually not lay on you, but on the person who typed out the ballots. After all, if they had labelled her “NOT Trump” instead of “Hillary Clinton” she probably would have have stood a chance.

Fact is, those that wanted Trump voted Trump and those that hated both of them didn’t vote.

Do you know what that means? Yep, you rested on your laurels thinking no way he would get elected and BOOM, shit happened. Woke up in Trumpland!

And important side note: Protesting??? Really???

We all know very few of you voted in the first place, so realizing now that you fucked up and storming the streets in anger on a weekday because you have no full-time job will really not do anything for your cause.

Sorry….

So anyways, here are ways you can move to Canada:

You might be eligible for Express Entry, which includes the following federal economic immigration programs:

In addition:

Take a language test (Fee approx $300CAD)

Canada’s official languages are English and French. You need to submit language test results for all programs under Express Entry, even if English or French is your first language.

You also need to achieve a minimum score on this test.

Moving to Canada is actually pretty difficult.  Not to mention our entire country is less than the size of California.

Instead, maybe just vote next time.

Sorry…

 

 

 

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Donald Trump dummy

Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter

donald trump

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT ANYONE WHO WANTS TO PUBLICLY DISPLAY THEIR OPINION ABOUT ANYTHING, NOW CAN.  With the assistance of the WORLD WIDE WEB!!!!!

??? I hope at this point you are saying “duh, what’s your point?”

Which you should be!  Other questions should be “Why is this weirdo using all capitals?  Why is she so worked up about this? Why does this even matter?”.

In which case….

It’s because, although on the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter that an uncomfortable amount of people are:

  1. Backing Donald Trump for president
  2. Saying that fat people just need to be yelled at more to be skinny
  3. That all people on welfare should be drug tested

[pause for dramatic effect]

If you’re smart… you may be saying at this point, “well, but it does matter! I should stop reading now because that is so stupid I’m surprised we’re even mentioning it!” …In which case I will say KUDOS to you for using that large mass within your skull we call a “brain”. But bear with me…

I say it doesn’t really matter because it wouldn’t matter if people like us didn’t give it so much damn attention.  I realize that is more irony thrown into the mix because I’m writing about it but I felt the ends justified the means here and I’ll keep it brief.

WHY THE F&*K ARE WE TALKING ABOUT AND SHARING THIS GARBAGE?!

Apparently when dumb people say dumb things on social media we feel the need to share it and advertise how dumb it is.  But do you know what that does?  It just promotes that dumb content to more people who catch on and say “oh yeah, I think the same way! Fuck those [insert random group of minorities being targeted this week]”.

WHAT THE HE**.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONES.  And yet, we continue to promote, share, and advertise these racist, rude, and immoral remarks all in the name of defacing them.  How do we not see that by doing so we only work to promote the message that they intend to spread.

I need to stop now, because I’ve already gone on too long and done exactly what I’m messaging not to do.  I hope it’s for a good cause.  The next time you see an ignorant remark – please don’t share it.  Share this instead.

#besmart #dontpromotehate #loveall #globallove