Breakup

How to Quickly Get Rid of Your Friends that Suck

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At some point in our lives we find ourselves questioning the quality of our group of close friends. Perhaps you’ve been friends since high school and you’ve just held on even though things aren’t a great fit, or maybe you’ve picked them up recently after a friendly introduction in the bathroom bar (post-jagger bomb shot of course).

Whatever the reason, we all have those one or two (or maybe even a handful for you eager beavers out there) friends that we really don’t know why we’re still friends with. Yet, we continue the friendship and pretend as if things are fine.

Some of these friendships are harmless, and at times even helpful. There are others though, that simmer under the surface just waiting to pop up and shake the foundation of your once pleasant lifestyle.

How do you determine the difference?  Why, with this list of course:

Top 5 Friend Personality Types:

#1: The Single Clinger

This is usually one of those single friends that focuses on the negative attributes of being single. Whether it’s another “Lonely Friday night with the cat “LOL #catcuddles” Instagram post, or 35 Snapchats to you of dinner with the parents including “Dinner at the parents house, so glad I get food made for me #chicken”, they always seem to fish for some sort of affirmation that their life isn’t completely devoid of excitement and meaning.

It doesn’t matter if they’re talking about pets or parents or friends…. The undertone is always “I’m single and I’m lonely and my life sucks.”

Toss or Keep? These friends are good to keep around, as they are always there for you.  They are usually the most loyal in your times of need, and you are usually who they turn to for advice or.  However, if their Instagram or Snapchat stories get to be too much, it’s your job to set them straight.

#2: The Boyfriend/Girlfriend Obsessed

These are the friends that find a girlfriend/boyfriend and all of a sudden are gone from your life.  They only reach out to you when either a) a fight breaks out and they need you to reaffirm their position or b) they are becoming bored and need their girl time/ boy time.

Toss or Keep? Problem is, you will likely become one of these one day, and you will want your friends to be there in your time of need.  Sucking it up now and taking one for the team will only help you later.

#3 The Quiet Listener

These friends are the best friends.  They will listen to you whenever you have problems, and will wait for you to ask them about their own.  If you don’t reach out to hang out with them they will likely never text you, but as soon as you reach out they are there.

Toss or Keep?  Never let this one go – they wont be around all the time, but when they are, they are extremely valuable.

#4: The Alcoholic

This is that friend that you know will always be up for a good party.  Every time you go out and every conversation you have, drinking is involved.

You don’t know them on a personal level but when you think about them in general you feel a positive vibe about them. They are always up for a good time.

Toss or Keep? Toss these friends.  They often bring a lot of drama, and talk to you about their life situations asking for advice.  Other than that, you don’t know each other on a personal level and only ever bond when drinking together.

#5: The Advice Giver

There is always that one friend that knows the solution to everything. You have a bad day and you just want to rant to them – and they come back with some solution to solve all your problems. WTF…

Toss or Keep? Keep this. Yes, this is annoying, but who’s fault is it?  They are obviously a good friend trying to help you out, and yes you have the right to rant to them.  However, if they offer advice that you don’t want it’s your responsibility to tell them that you really just need a shoulder to listen and not a sounding board.

Get Rid of Your Friends that Suck?

Most of us think we have friends that we just want to drop. In reality though, it’s good to think about those friends that are just annoying in the moment vs. those that really don’t contribute to our lives in general.

Like my writing style?  Check out 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single, available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

 

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dating

The Misconception of Singleness

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Whenever I tell people that I wrote a book on being single they immediately give support, saying “good for you, men aren’t worth the time!” Or, “I hear that, relationships are nothing but bad news”.

This is an understandable and relatable reaction to being told someone’s written a book called 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single. However, my purpose for writing the book was not to draw negativity to relationships. In fact, that was the furthest thing from my mind.

The Foundation of My Scripted Fruition

However contradictory it may seem, the purpose of writing 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single had nothing to do with being in a relationship or not – instead, it had everything to do with appreciating what you have in that moment.  The reason why I focused on singleness is simply because it’s a status that many people find inferior.  As if being in a relationship confirms your worth and value.

In fact, I’m currently in a relationship, and I see no conflict or hypocrisy in being in one and at the same time being the author of 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single.  “Why?” You inquire.  Well, I’m so glad you asked.  We all look on the other side of the fence.  Doesn’t matter what you have or what you do or who you’re with, someone will always have some thing or some circumstance that you don’t have, and the pull of envy can, at times, be too strong to deny.

So, I chose singleness as an example, but it could really be anything.  Feel too short?  Too overwhelmed?  Too heavy?  Too unattractive? Whatever it is, this book will hopefully make you question your perspective on your present circumstance.

So, let’s focus on singleness for now just as an example. Most people see those who are single as being less than; being unable to find someone.  As if…. being single means there is something wrong with you.

The Socially Accepted Misconception of Singleness

This view is backwards and needs to be addressed and eradicated. Being single does not mean there is something wrong with you – if you do seriously think that then sit down and list out all the people you could be in a relationship with.   You may say to yourself “pfft I would never date them though” – but that’s exactly it.  It isn’t that you don’t have anyone to date.  It’s that you don’t have anyone that you fit with, or want to be with.

If you’re rolling your eyes right now and saying “yeah well I actually have NO ONE who wants to date me so thanks for nothing”, well then you’re in luck because if you take advantage of these steps you’ll see the largest results.

The 5 Steps

When we focus on our problems, our problems seem larger.  When we focus on other areas of our lives however, we increase the positivity in our lives and our problems just don’t seem to bother us anymore until eventually they fade away.  The following 5 steps are ways to help you focus on YOU instead of your problems – whether that’s being single, not being good at something you wish you were, or other causes of discontent.

1. Know Your Worth

I don’t mean what you have in your bank account.  I’m talking about the internal value you place on yourself that no one else sees and only you know about.  Most people have baggage from past relationships that still affects them and seeps into present relationships (whether we acknowledge it or not). So we pick people to be with that we know aren’t good for us, but we feel an attraction to because “we’re just a really good fit”. (Not to get too into the psych mumbo jumbo, this scenario usually involves a link between your current cuddle muffin and your parent dynamic – thanks Freud ;)).

In summary, don’t be with someone who you aren’t excited about or who doesn’t treat you well just because you’re “unexplainably drawn to them”.

2. Work Towards Your Goals

You know what’s attractive?  Someone who has their shit together and is working on themselves. If you truly want to find someone in your life to be your life long partner, they better damn well be there to support you and your goals in life.  So what’s the best way to meet that person?  Why, focus on you of course! Do what you love and someone will just come along. I know it seems overly simple but it truly is the best way to meet someone (with no stress or over thought).

3. Surround Yourself with Good People

We’ve all had those friends that we know aren’t good for us, and yet you feel some sort of pull to them.  That pull is some good ol’ fashioned addiction.  Yep, as soon as you feel a need to see someone and yet cannot think of a positive outcome for seeing them, you’re stuck in the game.  Cut those people out completely.  It may seem harsh or cruel, but in reality it’s more cruel to keep them around while they slowly suck the life out of you.

4. Take Your ME Time

Almost every day after work I head straight to the gym.  I turn my phone off, put on my latest ipod jam and start out with some sort of cardio.  The next 2 hours are what I call my “me” time.  No phone, no small talk with randoms, no nothing.  Just gym, endorphins, music and muscle. The way life should be.

ME time is something that gets overlooked SO often, especially today where we have everything we could ever need right at our digital fingertips. We forget to shut off and live in the moment.

ME time is so important.  Whether its a bubble bath with a magazine, a gym session with no phone notifications or a coffee walk with coworkers, taking time out for you will always yield positive results.

5. Indulge When You Can

As soon as you deprive yourself of something, your body begins craving it more. Dieting is a great example – sure you may lose 20 pounds on Atkins by depriving yourself of carbs but as soon as you return to your normal it all comes back plus much more. Whether it’s restricting your food, your spending, your flirting, your shopping or other frivolous activities, if you see it as something you could do whenever you want to but choose not to do all the time, it won’t control your life or your happiness.

 

If there is something in your life that you’re discontent with – whether it’s your relationship status, how much money you have, the car you drive or some other discontentment, focusing on the problem only makes the problem bigger.

Instead, focus on YOU and doing things in your life that are positive and make you feel happy and fulfilled and eventually those things will just fall into place – without any meddling on your part 😉

Like my writing?  101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

single travel

Single Travel Perks

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I’m 27 and single.  I’ve had long term relationships in the past, however I came to the realization that while I loved them I couldn’t see myself marrying them and wasn’t keen on sticking in a long term relationship that I knew wasn’t going anywhere.

Upon announcing my singleness to people I find the most common reaction to be surprise that I haven’t “found someone”. Sometimes I get inquiries as to how I ended up single at 27, and even suggestions on where I can go to meet a new guy. The common theme seems to be that if you’re single there is something wrong with you.

I don’t take this view at all.  I love being single, and in my book 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to be Single I outline MANY reasons (101 to be exact) why being single is wonderful.  Not sharing my bed, not having to shave all the time, and not sharing my precious Ben N Jerry’s ice cream are a few of my faves.

My top reason, however, is that I get to travel wherever and whenever I want.  I have a full-time job, I live alone, and I have no one to answer to.  And, I LOVE to travel.

This year I went to Huatulco, Cancun, Seattle, Whistler, and Kamloops… and it’s only July!  I also have trips to Edmonton and Vegas coming up and am toying with the idea of jetting off to LA for a weekend soon.

Sometimes I travel with family, sometimes friends, and sometimes just by myself.  I love travelling alone and getting to learn more about myself and meet new people along the way.  Could I do that if I was in a long-term relationship or married with kids?  Probably not…. certainly not as easily.

I may not be single forever, but while I am single I’m certainly enjoying my freedom!

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

Follow me on Twitter @KarleenDee

Breakup Care Package

The Benefits of Being Single

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My phone rang as my coworker knocked on my door.  I told them I’d be over in a minute, as I answered the phone and glanced at my inbox to see 5 unread emails awaiting my attention.

As I hung up the phone I felt a sense of excitement as I reflected on my current situation – I love my job, I thought to myself.  I love having a ton of things going on, and knowing that I have the experience to handle them all.  I love the sense of importance and success I get with every daily achievement.

I reflected back to my elementary school days when I would scatter my drawings all over my desk to look as busy as dad did, as he reviewed cases for an upcoming trial.  I idolized the success of my parents and looked forward to one day working hard to be in a job that I loved and was proud of.

This is just the personality type I have – I am driven, strong, and independent (admittedly to a fault). What does this mean for relationships?  It means I would rather be single than be with someone who suppresses rather than compliments my strengths. I don’t want to be a side-kick, I want a partner in crime (so to speak).

I do believe that one day a partner will come along that can handle my gusto, and enhance my life in a manner that blows all my reasons for being single out of the water.

Until he comes along, however, I embrace all the benefits of being single.  I revel in coming home to watch my favorite TV shows, down a bucket of Ben N Jerry’s without judgement, and sprawl out in my very own bed.  I celebrate all 101 Reasons Why it’s GREAT to be Single.

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

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Single Dog Lady

Single Life = Own the Pets YOU Want!

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When you are in a relationship, you often will not agree on buying the same type of animals.  It could be that your significant other is allergic to cats, or simply not fond of giant horsed-size dogs.  Well, you want those things but you can’t have them because your significant other doesn’t want them.

When you are single you can own your very own Rover.

When I got out of my last relationship I decided that having a little companion in the house would help ease the pain of no longer living with someone.  However, between work and gym I was rarely home.  Certainly not enough to have a dog or a kitten who would want affection all the time.

So, I bought a fish.  I named the fish Frederick and Frederick did not mind that I wasn’t home all that often.  Frederick and I would watch TV at night and sometimes I would have conversations with him – (don’t judge, he was an amazing listener).

I’m now thinking that a big fat cat might be a nice addition to my apartment.  They would be so lazy I’m sure they also would not mind me not being home.

In any case, being single I no longer have to worry about the pets that my significant other may or may not want – if I want a pet and it fits with my lifestyle, I’ll get one 🙂

#itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Authorhouse and Amazon

Single

Extra Tickets are Yours!

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If any of your friends ever has an extra ticket anywhere – they always invite you, because you are the token single friend!

There are lots of times where this can come in handy – your friend buys tickets for a hockey game and then her boyfriend breaks up with her before she can tell him about it.  Your couple friends split and your girl needs to blow off some steam with a girls night.  Hey, you are happy to take those tickets and give them a shoulder to cry on.  Heck, you may even buy the beer!  Just kidding, being a sexy single lady you should just get the guy in line in front of you to buy them for you 😉

#itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Authorhouse and Amazon