dating, relationships

The Gift of Balancing Traditional Femininity with Strength

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My entire life I have always been the woman that meets every challenge with reverence.  I’ve told every man that didn’t meet my expectations to “F off” – (in most cases metaphorically, but in a few instances literally), and I’ve held on to my independence as though it was an appendage.

However, my largest conflict with this mentality is my need to balance my value of personal strength and dignity, with my value of traditional femininity.

I am a great believer that when entering into a relationship, I should think in terms of “how can I make my partner happy”. If we are both committed, I believe that cautious optimism should be warranted – that my partner is not looking to be disloyal and I should trust him unconditionally until I am given reason to believe otherwise. I should want to give him everything, as he should with me.

In other words – I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need a man but when I find one worth being with you better believe I’m going to treat him right and trust him unconditionally.

The Turning Point

Last year I entered into a relationship with this mindset, only to be taken as a fool and hurt in ways I’ve never known before.

Did I implode?  Did I circle into a whirlwind of self-pity?  Nope.  Instead I stood my ground and believed in myself.

As soon as it was over I deleted him from my contacts, blocked his number, and blocked him out of my mind (as best I could).  I then decided to steer my focus, not towards how much it hurt not having him around anymore, but rather what positives I would face in my new found singleness.

I started writing down all the positive reasons for being single.  Eventually, I can up with 101 of them, and ended up publishing the book 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single.

Finding Myself 

I discovered that although I had put myself out there and gotten hurt (more so than I ever had before) – that I didn’t regret the experience at all. I want to be the type of woman that stands strong on her own, and yet when faced with a possible relationship – gives her all.  I want to be that person, and if that means getting knocked down by men who aren’t in a position to accept that kind of love so be it.

I will not accept responsibility for another’s inability to meet my expectations.  I will not change my behavior or attitude simply because a relationship did not end the way I wanted.

In the end, I am only responsible for myself and my actions and I can say confidently that I am proud to be a woman that values both strength and dignity, along with traditional femininity.

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

 

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getting over a breakup

The Ultimate Breakup Care Package

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So you’re friend has just gone through a breakup, and they are looking pretty down. Your once happy little Piglett seems to have grown a solemn dark cloud above their head, and their pink exterior has faded into a darkened Eeyor grey.

You watch as their world slows to a crawl. Day-to-day activities that they used to accomplish so easily (like getting out of bed), all of a sudden take extra effort.  They barely answer your calls and responses to your text messages dwindle to a single “k”.

So what are you supposed to do to get them out of this funk?  Well, how about making them a Breakup Care Package! Not just any package though, the Ultimate Breakup Care Package:

1. THEIR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE

Not a lot of it… (to avoid wallowing in drunken pain and calling the ex resulting in dramadramadrama), but a bottle of wine to share, or a 6 pack of their favorite lager to help lighten the mood!

If your friend is of the lady variety, try suggesting Sangria.  This fruity little number is super delightful – heck, even if your friend is a guy its hard to say no to alcohol and fruit.  Bonus points for throwing in a crazy straw.

2. THEIR FAVORITE FOOD

Food is the ultimate comfort! Especially favorite food.  Especially all their favorite food.  Sit them in front of a personal buffet of carby fatty meaty goodness to give their brain way too much to think about, and distract them from their troubles.  Feel sad or eat more bacon…. hmmm.

Just to be safe, probably good to bring a mix of sweets and savory – after that ooey gooey cheesy salty goodness the only logical choice is raw chocolate chip cookie dough covered in brownies and chocolate syrup.

3. A NO-ENERGY ACTIVITY

Your friend is probably in a pretty down mood, so it is likely that they don’t want to do anything or go anywhere.  However, there are lots of activities you can bring them to keep them occupied (and their mind off whats-their-face), where they don’t really have to do anything at all.

This could be watching a movie, painting nails, playing scratch-n-win (get a lot so they at least win one of them!), listening to their favorite music, or go old school and bring a board game. Heck, it may even give them a sense of nostalgia and pull them back to their young childhood days before the opposite sex came and ruined everything.

4. TICKETS TO AN EVENT OR MOVIE

Looking forward to some sort of event is a great pick-me-up.  You know what your friend likes, so be creative and seek out some tickets to their favorite band, or to a movie you know they’d be into.  You know, for when their face is a bit less puffy from crying.

5. 101 REASONS WHY ITS GREAT TO BE SINGLE

And of course, a dose of optimism and a change in perspective never hurts!  101 Reasons Why it’s Great to be Single presents an optimistic view of the single life.  Let your friend read up for themselves, or read it to them as they down their glass of Chardonnay!

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

Breakup Care Package

Its Great to Be Single

Have I left anything out?  If there’s something that you would include in your breakup package I’d love to hear it – leave your comments below!

Single ladies in the summer

Top 20 Reasons to Be Single this Summer

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As a newly single lady, I announced my singleness with the expectation of cheers of liberation and praise. To my surprise, I was instead given hugs, comforting words, and suggestions on where I could go to find a new man.

Evidently society possessed the opinion that a single female in her late twenties should be jumping back on that bandwagon quickly, or be left to a life of solitude.  Even dating sites began insisting that they had the right formula to meet the man of my dreams, and my own mother subtly hinted at the benefits that match.com could bring me.

While surprised at these reactions, I wasn’t phased by them.  The relationship grass may have been greener, but rather than looking over the other side of the fence I was going to water my own damn lawn!

I began to jot down all the reasons why I was appreciative of being single, and what do you know – I came up with 101 of them!

With summer just around the corner, I have a whole new list of reasons why it’s great to be single!  Let’s take a look through the top 20 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single This Summer:

  1. You’ll Look Better

We get into a relationship and we become complacent.  Not to mention, you just don’t seem to have as much time as when you’re single.  Being single means you have more time to hit the gym, and gives you the incentive you need to do so – get that gym body!

  1. More Friends

Single people have more emotional energy to share with friends.  When you enter into a relationship, you want to spend all the time you can with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  That’s cute, but now you have less time to spend with friends and your social circle dwindles.  Keep that social life luscious by living the single life.

  1. More Travelling

Summer is a fantastic time to get out and explore the open road.  When you are in a relationship you have to work out both of your schedules, and you have to choose a place that you both want to go to.  When you’re single, you have a ton of friends to choose from – at least one of them will be available and willing to head off to your favorite destination.

  1. Dating

Summer dating is fantastic – there are a TON of summertime activities that are a really good time, and usually FREE.  You don’t have to be guilty about going on a couple dates each week because you aren’t blowing your wallet.

  1. No Sharing Ice Cream

It’s summer… it’s freakin’ hot out.  So you go to the store to grab a tub of your favorite quality cookie dough ice cream.  When you’re single, you don’t have to share!  That tub is simply too small for two spoons.

  1. Getting Where you Need to Be

Doing anything always takes much longer when there are two people.  Getting ready to go out, picking a restaurant, and even planning your traveling adventures all take much less time when you’re solo.

  1. Finding Your Stuff

You have a way of organizing your things that may not make sense to someone else.  So your boyfriend or girlfriend, trying to be helpful, cleans the house and puts your things somewhere – and now you can’t find them!  When you’re running out of the house to hit the beach the last thing you want to do it rummage around looking for your bathing suit.

  1. Bonus Invites

There are lots of events happening in the summer!  If you are single and one of your friends of family members has an extra ticket somewhere they are going to ask you, you are the token single person there to save the day.

  1. Guilt-Free Adventures

In the summer you never know what shenanigans you’ll get up to. Boat rides with random hotties at the beach?  Heck yes!

  1. Belt it Out

Summertime is the best time to roll down your windows and belt it out to your favorite tune.  There’s an air of liberation that comes when you are alone in the car, that just isn’t there when you’re driving around with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

  1. You Know Where You’re Junk’s At

This point relates to junk in a sexual nature.  It’s summertime, there are scantily clad people everywhere and the risk of cheating is at an all-time high.  When you’re single, you know where your junk is and who you’re sharing it with.

  1. Let is Hang Low

It’s a fun visual, however this point goes for gals just as much as guys – you’re single, you live alone, and it’s hot out because its summer.  Why not be naked in your own home?  When you live with someone, even someone you’re comfortable with, you probably aren’t just wandering around the house naked.  When you’re single though – all bets are off (unless you don’t have blinds…then perhaps be conscious of your neighbors as well).

  1. No Foreign Shniggits

What is a schniggit you say?!  A schniggit is a small fleck of something, anything.  Those moustache trimmings he leaves in the sink? Schniggit!  The leg hairs sticking to the side of the tub after she shaves?  Shchniggits!  The pieces of sand dragged into the house after a day at the beach?  Those are schniggits too!  When you’re single the only schniggits you need to worry about are your own.  Somehow they are much less gross when they are yours.

  1. A Visitor in Your Own City

The first date always carries pressure of doing something exciting.  This helps you do things you wouldn’t normally do, and in the summer there are OH so many activities to try!  After a few first dates you now know you’re city better than before, and you have lots more activities to do with your friends.

  1. Mix Up Your Meals

When you’re single you can eat whatever you want! Summer time means farmer’s markets, with TONS of fresh local veggies.  No need to worry about whether your boyfriend or girlfriend will eat what you’re cooking – it’s all up to you!

  1. No Random Mess

No cleaning up someone else’s mess.  Whether it’s a dirty bathing suit in the bathtub, a used towel thrown on the floor from a day at the beach, or sandy flip flops in the hallway, when it’s someone else’s mess it’s WAY more annoying than when it’s yours.

  1. What Do You Want?

Ever been asked what you wanted to do and actually had no idea what to say?  In a relationship, you’re constantly taking into consideration what your partner wants to do, and not really thinking about what would make you happy.  Summertime has lots of fun activities for you to try – get out there and do something you wouldn’t normally do!

  1. Treat Yourself

Feel like buying a whole new summer wardrobe?  Go for it!  If you have the money, that is – I am not advocating debt for clothing.  In a relationship, your partner seems to feel as though they have a right to comment on all your purchases – when you are single, you can blow the bank without feeling that guilt.

  1. Finding Your Zen

No matter how similar you are to someone there will always be differences, and that means fighting.  Summer isn’t a time for fighting, it’s a time for relaxing and having fun!  No relationship means no squabbling.

  1. Sexy Magic

Newly single?  You just got hotter.  Once you own your singleness, you carry an air of independence about you that is envious to those in relationships, and extremely attractive to those who aren’t!  You strut down the beach feeling fine you saucy singleton.

What are YOUR reasons for being single this summer?  Leave a comment below!

Want to read up on all 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single? Check out the book on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble 

No Sharing Movie Snacks

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I recently went to the movies with a girlfriend to go see Unbroken.  I didn’t know much about the movie other than a guy goes through hardship and it’s directed by Angelina Jolie.  So, of course I loaded up on movie snacks.

When I would go to the movies with my boyfriend we would always get a giant popcorn and share it.  I am not sure why we did this, I guess he thought it was romantic.  It most certainly was not. His giant man hands would dive into that popcorn bag leaving no room for me, and I would have to aggressively fight my hand into the bad just to get some popcorn.

On this movie trip, I decided I didn’t actually want a whole bag of popcorn. I wanted a little popcorn, a little chocolate, some pop and some berries.  So guess what?  I fucking got all of those things!  AND I did not have to share.

Not only do I not have to fight my way into a popcorn bag, being a single woman I now decide exactly what I want and I get all of it!  #itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Authorhouse and Amazon