Breakup

How to Quickly Get Rid of Your Friends that Suck

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At some point in our lives we find ourselves questioning the quality of our group of close friends. Perhaps you’ve been friends since high school and you’ve just held on even though things aren’t a great fit, or maybe you’ve picked them up recently after a friendly introduction in the bathroom bar (post-jagger bomb shot of course).

Whatever the reason, we all have those one or two (or maybe even a handful for you eager beavers out there) friends that we really don’t know why we’re still friends with. Yet, we continue the friendship and pretend as if things are fine.

Some of these friendships are harmless, and at times even helpful. There are others though, that simmer under the surface just waiting to pop up and shake the foundation of your once pleasant lifestyle.

How do you determine the difference?  Why, with this list of course:

Top 5 Friend Personality Types:

#1: The Single Clinger

This is usually one of those single friends that focuses on the negative attributes of being single. Whether it’s another “Lonely Friday night with the cat “LOL #catcuddles” Instagram post, or 35 Snapchats to you of dinner with the parents including “Dinner at the parents house, so glad I get food made for me #chicken”, they always seem to fish for some sort of affirmation that their life isn’t completely devoid of excitement and meaning.

It doesn’t matter if they’re talking about pets or parents or friends…. The undertone is always “I’m single and I’m lonely and my life sucks.”

Toss or Keep? These friends are good to keep around, as they are always there for you.  They are usually the most loyal in your times of need, and you are usually who they turn to for advice or.  However, if their Instagram or Snapchat stories get to be too much, it’s your job to set them straight.

#2: The Boyfriend/Girlfriend Obsessed

These are the friends that find a girlfriend/boyfriend and all of a sudden are gone from your life.  They only reach out to you when either a) a fight breaks out and they need you to reaffirm their position or b) they are becoming bored and need their girl time/ boy time.

Toss or Keep? Problem is, you will likely become one of these one day, and you will want your friends to be there in your time of need.  Sucking it up now and taking one for the team will only help you later.

#3 The Quiet Listener

These friends are the best friends.  They will listen to you whenever you have problems, and will wait for you to ask them about their own.  If you don’t reach out to hang out with them they will likely never text you, but as soon as you reach out they are there.

Toss or Keep?  Never let this one go – they wont be around all the time, but when they are, they are extremely valuable.

#4: The Alcoholic

This is that friend that you know will always be up for a good party.  Every time you go out and every conversation you have, drinking is involved.

You don’t know them on a personal level but when you think about them in general you feel a positive vibe about them. They are always up for a good time.

Toss or Keep? Toss these friends.  They often bring a lot of drama, and talk to you about their life situations asking for advice.  Other than that, you don’t know each other on a personal level and only ever bond when drinking together.

#5: The Advice Giver

There is always that one friend that knows the solution to everything. You have a bad day and you just want to rant to them – and they come back with some solution to solve all your problems. WTF…

Toss or Keep? Keep this. Yes, this is annoying, but who’s fault is it?  They are obviously a good friend trying to help you out, and yes you have the right to rant to them.  However, if they offer advice that you don’t want it’s your responsibility to tell them that you really just need a shoulder to listen and not a sounding board.

Get Rid of Your Friends that Suck?

Most of us think we have friends that we just want to drop. In reality though, it’s good to think about those friends that are just annoying in the moment vs. those that really don’t contribute to our lives in general.

Like my writing style?  Check out 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single, available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

 

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Breakup Care Package

Staying Positive After a Breakup

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We’ve all gone through it – that post breakup slump. Where a big black cloud seems to come over your world and all of a sudden you’re encased in negativity and pessimism.

Thoughts of self doubt – “maybe I’m just not good enough for anyone”, fear – “what if I’m alone forever?” and rage – “why can’t he see what he’s missing out on!”, become all too familiar, and our happy-go-lucky selves slowly become grayed out….

These are all very normal thoughts.  All part of the process of working through feelings of pain of the experience.  Eventually we work through them and then gradually, or sometimes suddenly, we realize we’re starting to feel happy again.  We find our normal.

Sometimes when you’re in the slump it seems never ending.  But it does end, it always does.  Nothing lasts forever – not sadness, not happiness.  So, we just wait out the hard times and cherish the good ones.

If you have an awesome best friend they’ve probably already brought you a Break-Up Care Package.  However, there are things that you can do for yourself to help move this process along faster to get you out of your funk.

Here are my top 5 tips to a happy breakup recovery:

1. Get Some Rest

Breakups are emotional and stress out your body.  Your knee-jerk reaction may be to go out and party all night to forget whats-his-face, however all you’re doing is adding more stress on your already tired mind and body.  This is a good time to avoid too much alcohol and instead take care of #1: you.

2. Surround Yourself with Friends/Family

This is probably a time where you’re feeling alone and maybe vulnerable.  It’s easy to get stuck in your own head going over and over all the good times, bad times, the ups and downs and everything between.  It’s easier to get out of your head when there are people around you who care about you and can help you take your mind off things during this time.

3. Treat Yourself

Do things for yourself that make you happy, without guilt.  Go shopping and buy a new shirt, bake the whole roll of cookie dough, watch a whole season of your favorite show, or sit in that bubble bath for an hour with a good book (maybe 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single?!).  You know what makes you happy, so go ahead and indulge in those guilty pleasures because this is the time when you truly deserve them.

4. Exercise

Yeah, most of you probably hate me right now! Exercise is likely the last thing you want to do when you’re feeling low.  BUT if you get your butt up and go out there and do it, I guarantee you that it won’t be something you regret.  No one says “man I feel so gross after that workout”.  It doesn’t have to be something huge – even going to the gym and hitting the elliptical while rockin’ your favorite tunes is a huge energy booster.

5. Talk About it

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mean dwell on every little thing about the relationship.  I’m referring to how you feel about it and how the experience impacted you.  It’s definitely much easier to just shut it out and pretend as though it never happened, but all that is doing is pushing that anger, hurt and resentment under the surface and those feelings are going to come up eventually.  It’s easier to talk about them now, so that they can come up and out and you can move on with your life.

Those are just the 5 that I’ve found work best for me.  Have others?  I’d love to hear them – please share in the comments below!

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Breakup Care Package

The Benefits of Being Single

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My phone rang as my coworker knocked on my door.  I told them I’d be over in a minute, as I answered the phone and glanced at my inbox to see 5 unread emails awaiting my attention.

As I hung up the phone I felt a sense of excitement as I reflected on my current situation – I love my job, I thought to myself.  I love having a ton of things going on, and knowing that I have the experience to handle them all.  I love the sense of importance and success I get with every daily achievement.

I reflected back to my elementary school days when I would scatter my drawings all over my desk to look as busy as dad did, as he reviewed cases for an upcoming trial.  I idolized the success of my parents and looked forward to one day working hard to be in a job that I loved and was proud of.

This is just the personality type I have – I am driven, strong, and independent (admittedly to a fault). What does this mean for relationships?  It means I would rather be single than be with someone who suppresses rather than compliments my strengths. I don’t want to be a side-kick, I want a partner in crime (so to speak).

I do believe that one day a partner will come along that can handle my gusto, and enhance my life in a manner that blows all my reasons for being single out of the water.

Until he comes along, however, I embrace all the benefits of being single.  I revel in coming home to watch my favorite TV shows, down a bucket of Ben N Jerry’s without judgement, and sprawl out in my very own bed.  I celebrate all 101 Reasons Why it’s GREAT to be Single.

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

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getting over a breakup

The Ultimate Breakup Care Package

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So you’re friend has just gone through a breakup, and they are looking pretty down. Your once happy little Piglett seems to have grown a solemn dark cloud above their head, and their pink exterior has faded into a darkened Eeyor grey.

You watch as their world slows to a crawl. Day-to-day activities that they used to accomplish so easily (like getting out of bed), all of a sudden take extra effort.  They barely answer your calls and responses to your text messages dwindle to a single “k”.

So what are you supposed to do to get them out of this funk?  Well, how about making them a Breakup Care Package! Not just any package though, the Ultimate Breakup Care Package:

1. THEIR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE

Not a lot of it… (to avoid wallowing in drunken pain and calling the ex resulting in dramadramadrama), but a bottle of wine to share, or a 6 pack of their favorite lager to help lighten the mood!

If your friend is of the lady variety, try suggesting Sangria.  This fruity little number is super delightful – heck, even if your friend is a guy its hard to say no to alcohol and fruit.  Bonus points for throwing in a crazy straw.

2. THEIR FAVORITE FOOD

Food is the ultimate comfort! Especially favorite food.  Especially all their favorite food.  Sit them in front of a personal buffet of carby fatty meaty goodness to give their brain way too much to think about, and distract them from their troubles.  Feel sad or eat more bacon…. hmmm.

Just to be safe, probably good to bring a mix of sweets and savory – after that ooey gooey cheesy salty goodness the only logical choice is raw chocolate chip cookie dough covered in brownies and chocolate syrup.

3. A NO-ENERGY ACTIVITY

Your friend is probably in a pretty down mood, so it is likely that they don’t want to do anything or go anywhere.  However, there are lots of activities you can bring them to keep them occupied (and their mind off whats-their-face), where they don’t really have to do anything at all.

This could be watching a movie, painting nails, playing scratch-n-win (get a lot so they at least win one of them!), listening to their favorite music, or go old school and bring a board game. Heck, it may even give them a sense of nostalgia and pull them back to their young childhood days before the opposite sex came and ruined everything.

4. TICKETS TO AN EVENT OR MOVIE

Looking forward to some sort of event is a great pick-me-up.  You know what your friend likes, so be creative and seek out some tickets to their favorite band, or to a movie you know they’d be into.  You know, for when their face is a bit less puffy from crying.

5. 101 REASONS WHY ITS GREAT TO BE SINGLE

And of course, a dose of optimism and a change in perspective never hurts!  101 Reasons Why it’s Great to be Single presents an optimistic view of the single life.  Let your friend read up for themselves, or read it to them as they down their glass of Chardonnay!

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

Breakup Care Package

Its Great to Be Single

Have I left anything out?  If there’s something that you would include in your breakup package I’d love to hear it – leave your comments below!

Single Valentine's

How to Celebrate Single Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day is most often thought of as a day just for couples.  The day that they are reminded they should appreciate one another… because they just don’t care enough about each other those other 364 days of the year.  In long term relationships, it may also be known as “Oh Right, You’re Here” day.

I like Valentine’s Day simply because I love all holidays.  I enjoy celebrating pretty much anything – why not have an excuse to be excited about something?  However, I think acknowledging Valentine’s Day as a day to be celebrated by couples is all wrong.  Valentine’s Day is a day for singles to celebrate!!

“WHY!?” you ask?? Well…. there are many amazing things to be excited about when you are single for Valentine’s.  Here are my top 3:

  1. No Pressure

That’s right, when you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend there is no pressure about what you are going to do for Valentine’s Day.  “Holy Shit, I have to show this person how much they mean to me today.  My gift and actions are directly related to how I feel about them and therefore I will look like a terrible partner and human being if I mess this up”. Sure, it sounds irrational, but it’s just one of those thoughts.  Those thoughts cause stress and anxiety which I am pretty sure leads to premature death.  So, look at you, you single devil – you’ve just saved yourself some years.

2. Half-Price Chocolate

The day after Valentine’s is my most coveted day of the year… all of that quality chocolate goodness is half price and just waiting for me.  Those of us who are single don’t have to buy that chocolate before Valentine’s Day to give as a gift, we can wait until Sunday when it’s CHEAP.  Saving money is certainly something to celebrate.

3. Pleasure in Commiserating with Your Single Comrades

“Waaaah I’m single on Valentine’s!” “Ahhhh I am too!!” “Let’s drink together and bash all those lame couples in relationships!”  You have to admit, that sounds like a pretty good time.  Especially these days, (when commitment is at an all-time low, and dating apps such as Tinder ruin your faith in humanity and any prospect of hope for a normal future relationship), there are a TON of other single people to hang out with.  You may feel lonely, but you certainly aren’t alone.  Pop open that bottle of wine and drown your sorrows with your fellow single-tons!

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day my fellow singles!! #itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on AuthorhouseAmazon, and Barnes and Noble 

Happy Satisfied Staying Single Day!

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Did you know that February 11th is Satisfied Staying Single Day?  Nope, neither did I – until I heard it on the news this morning.  Apparently today is a big deal.

I have to say I love the title.  It isn’t “Fuck Relationships Day”, or “Go to Hell you Canoodlers Day” – it’s just Satisfied Staying Single.  Satisfied.  Just the perfect word.

It really grinds my gears when I hear single people bashing relationships (and I should note that my gears get grinded very rarely). Why? Well, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with two people in love, and the fact that they have found each other does not make you more single than you were before they met.  The only problem there is perspective – the thought that the relationship status of ‘single’ is less than that of being ‘in a relationship’.  This thought is most certainly askew.

There are SO many things that are great about being single. However, the feeling of being alone at times can turn to feelings to loneliness and suddenly we’ve forgotten about all the great things that singleness brings.  That whole “grass is greener” scenario that we seem to say all the time but never really let sink in.

We forget that our grass is pretty freakin’ luscious right where we stand and sometimes we just need a little reminder, like Satisfied Staying Single Day, to kick things back into perspective.

Allow me to offer you some reminders:

  • BONUS INVITES: Your friend/family member is suddenly left solo for an event they bought two tickets to and they need a replacement!  Ta-da, you WIN.
  • GO OUT WITHOUT GUILT: No one to answer to if you want to hit the clubs, or take a weekend vaca with your friends.
  • THE TOILET SEAT IS WHERE YOU LEFT IT: That’s right ladies, no middle of the night bum-dunking for you
  • SAVE MONEY: No spending money this Valentine’s day unless it’s on yourself (and you always know exactly what you want!)

There are actually 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single.

So go ahead you single saucy devil, get out there and celebrate this Satisfied Staying Single Day #itsgreattobesingle

 

single lady

No Need to Wear Pants

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There’s something about walking around your own apartment with no pants on, which is much more free and liberating than when you live with someone.  Living with my ex, there was never a time where I would come home, take off my pants and shoes, and flop down on the couch to watch TV.  I suppose I could have, I just didn’t.

Living on my own, I may as well have a laundry basket next to the shoe rack.  It signifies that my day is complete, and it’s home time.  Relaxation.  Something in my brain just switches off – “No pants? Oh well then we are clearly not doing anything tonight, time to stop working” – and any stress I had built up from the day just disappears!  It’s really hard to worry about life problems when you’re not wearing pants.  Go ahead, try it.

There are some days where the no pants thing gets in the way – the other day I was very hungover and wanted to order pizza, but answering the door meant putting pants on.  Also, a couple months ago my neighbor upstairs somehow managed to fall off the balcony, and I needed to put on pants to go outside and call the ambulance. Luckily, I usually have a pair of pants laying around near the door so it didn’t take too much effort to slide those puppies back on. #itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on AuthorhouseAmazon, and Barnes and Noble