My entire life I have always been the woman that meets every challenge with reverence. I’ve told every man that didn’t meet my expectations to “F off” – (in most cases metaphorically, but in a few instances literally), and I’ve held on to my independence as though it was an appendage.
However, my largest conflict with this mentality is my need to balance my value of personal strength and dignity, with my value of traditional femininity.
I am a great believer that when entering into a relationship, I should think in terms of “how can I make my partner happy”. If we are both committed, I believe that cautious optimism should be warranted – that my partner is not looking to be disloyal and I should trust him unconditionally until I am given reason to believe otherwise. I should want to give him everything, as he should with me.
In other words – I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need a man but when I find one worth being with you better believe I’m going to treat him right and trust him unconditionally.
The Turning Point
Last year I entered into a relationship with this mindset, only to be taken as a fool and hurt in ways I’ve never known before.
Did I implode? Did I circle into a whirlwind of self-pity? Nope. Instead I stood my ground and believed in myself.
As soon as it was over I deleted him from my contacts, blocked his number, and blocked him out of my mind (as best I could). I then decided to steer my focus, not towards how much it hurt not having him around anymore, but rather what positives I would face in my new found singleness.
I started writing down all the positive reasons for being single. Eventually, I can up with 101 of them, and ended up publishing the book 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single.
I discovered that although I had put myself out there and gotten hurt (more so than I ever had before) – that I didn’t regret the experience at all. I want to be the type of woman that stands strong on her own, and yet when faced with a possible relationship – gives her all. I want to be that person, and if that means getting knocked down by men who aren’t in a position to accept that kind of love so be it.
I will not accept responsibility for another’s inability to meet my expectations. I will not change my behavior or attitude simply because a relationship did not end the way I wanted.
In the end, I am only responsible for myself and my actions and I can say confidently that I am proud to be a woman that values both strength and dignity, along with traditional femininity.