Breakup Care Package

Staying Positive After a Breakup

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We’ve all gone through it – that post breakup slump. Where a big black cloud seems to come over your world and all of a sudden you’re encased in negativity and pessimism.

Thoughts of self doubt – “maybe I’m just not good enough for anyone”, fear – “what if I’m alone forever?” and rage – “why can’t he see what he’s missing out on!”, become all too familiar, and our happy-go-lucky selves slowly become grayed out….

These are all very normal thoughts.  All part of the process of working through feelings of pain of the experience.  Eventually we work through them and then gradually, or sometimes suddenly, we realize we’re starting to feel happy again.  We find our normal.

Sometimes when you’re in the slump it seems never ending.  But it does end, it always does.  Nothing lasts forever – not sadness, not happiness.  So, we just wait out the hard times and cherish the good ones.

If you have an awesome best friend they’ve probably already brought you a Break-Up Care Package.  However, there are things that you can do for yourself to help move this process along faster to get you out of your funk.

Here are my top 5 tips to a happy breakup recovery:

1. Get Some Rest

Breakups are emotional and stress out your body.  Your knee-jerk reaction may be to go out and party all night to forget whats-his-face, however all you’re doing is adding more stress on your already tired mind and body.  This is a good time to avoid too much alcohol and instead take care of #1: you.

2. Surround Yourself with Friends/Family

This is probably a time where you’re feeling alone and maybe vulnerable.  It’s easy to get stuck in your own head going over and over all the good times, bad times, the ups and downs and everything between.  It’s easier to get out of your head when there are people around you who care about you and can help you take your mind off things during this time.

3. Treat Yourself

Do things for yourself that make you happy, without guilt.  Go shopping and buy a new shirt, bake the whole roll of cookie dough, watch a whole season of your favorite show, or sit in that bubble bath for an hour with a good book (maybe 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single?!).  You know what makes you happy, so go ahead and indulge in those guilty pleasures because this is the time when you truly deserve them.

4. Exercise

Yeah, most of you probably hate me right now! Exercise is likely the last thing you want to do when you’re feeling low.  BUT if you get your butt up and go out there and do it, I guarantee you that it won’t be something you regret.  No one says “man I feel so gross after that workout”.  It doesn’t have to be something huge – even going to the gym and hitting the elliptical while rockin’ your favorite tunes is a huge energy booster.

5. Talk About it

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mean dwell on every little thing about the relationship.  I’m referring to how you feel about it and how the experience impacted you.  It’s definitely much easier to just shut it out and pretend as though it never happened, but all that is doing is pushing that anger, hurt and resentment under the surface and those feelings are going to come up eventually.  It’s easier to talk about them now, so that they can come up and out and you can move on with your life.

Those are just the 5 that I’ve found work best for me.  Have others?  I’d love to hear them – please share in the comments below!

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Breakup Care Package

The Benefits of Being Single

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My phone rang as my coworker knocked on my door.  I told them I’d be over in a minute, as I answered the phone and glanced at my inbox to see 5 unread emails awaiting my attention.

As I hung up the phone I felt a sense of excitement as I reflected on my current situation – I love my job, I thought to myself.  I love having a ton of things going on, and knowing that I have the experience to handle them all.  I love the sense of importance and success I get with every daily achievement.

I reflected back to my elementary school days when I would scatter my drawings all over my desk to look as busy as dad did, as he reviewed cases for an upcoming trial.  I idolized the success of my parents and looked forward to one day working hard to be in a job that I loved and was proud of.

This is just the personality type I have – I am driven, strong, and independent (admittedly to a fault). What does this mean for relationships?  It means I would rather be single than be with someone who suppresses rather than compliments my strengths. I don’t want to be a side-kick, I want a partner in crime (so to speak).

I do believe that one day a partner will come along that can handle my gusto, and enhance my life in a manner that blows all my reasons for being single out of the water.

Until he comes along, however, I embrace all the benefits of being single.  I revel in coming home to watch my favorite TV shows, down a bucket of Ben N Jerry’s without judgement, and sprawl out in my very own bed.  I celebrate all 101 Reasons Why it’s GREAT to be Single.

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

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getting over a breakup

The Ultimate Breakup Care Package

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So you’re friend has just gone through a breakup, and they are looking pretty down. Your once happy little Piglett seems to have grown a solemn dark cloud above their head, and their pink exterior has faded into a darkened Eeyor grey.

You watch as their world slows to a crawl. Day-to-day activities that they used to accomplish so easily (like getting out of bed), all of a sudden take extra effort.  They barely answer your calls and responses to your text messages dwindle to a single “k”.

So what are you supposed to do to get them out of this funk?  Well, how about making them a Breakup Care Package! Not just any package though, the Ultimate Breakup Care Package:

1. THEIR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE

Not a lot of it… (to avoid wallowing in drunken pain and calling the ex resulting in dramadramadrama), but a bottle of wine to share, or a 6 pack of their favorite lager to help lighten the mood!

If your friend is of the lady variety, try suggesting Sangria.  This fruity little number is super delightful – heck, even if your friend is a guy its hard to say no to alcohol and fruit.  Bonus points for throwing in a crazy straw.

2. THEIR FAVORITE FOOD

Food is the ultimate comfort! Especially favorite food.  Especially all their favorite food.  Sit them in front of a personal buffet of carby fatty meaty goodness to give their brain way too much to think about, and distract them from their troubles.  Feel sad or eat more bacon…. hmmm.

Just to be safe, probably good to bring a mix of sweets and savory – after that ooey gooey cheesy salty goodness the only logical choice is raw chocolate chip cookie dough covered in brownies and chocolate syrup.

3. A NO-ENERGY ACTIVITY

Your friend is probably in a pretty down mood, so it is likely that they don’t want to do anything or go anywhere.  However, there are lots of activities you can bring them to keep them occupied (and their mind off whats-their-face), where they don’t really have to do anything at all.

This could be watching a movie, painting nails, playing scratch-n-win (get a lot so they at least win one of them!), listening to their favorite music, or go old school and bring a board game. Heck, it may even give them a sense of nostalgia and pull them back to their young childhood days before the opposite sex came and ruined everything.

4. TICKETS TO AN EVENT OR MOVIE

Looking forward to some sort of event is a great pick-me-up.  You know what your friend likes, so be creative and seek out some tickets to their favorite band, or to a movie you know they’d be into.  You know, for when their face is a bit less puffy from crying.

5. 101 REASONS WHY ITS GREAT TO BE SINGLE

And of course, a dose of optimism and a change in perspective never hurts!  101 Reasons Why it’s Great to be Single presents an optimistic view of the single life.  Let your friend read up for themselves, or read it to them as they down their glass of Chardonnay!

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

Breakup Care Package

Its Great to Be Single

Have I left anything out?  If there’s something that you would include in your breakup package I’d love to hear it – leave your comments below!

Single ladies in the summer

Top 20 Reasons to Be Single this Summer

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As a newly single lady, I announced my singleness with the expectation of cheers of liberation and praise. To my surprise, I was instead given hugs, comforting words, and suggestions on where I could go to find a new man.

Evidently society possessed the opinion that a single female in her late twenties should be jumping back on that bandwagon quickly, or be left to a life of solitude.  Even dating sites began insisting that they had the right formula to meet the man of my dreams, and my own mother subtly hinted at the benefits that match.com could bring me.

While surprised at these reactions, I wasn’t phased by them.  The relationship grass may have been greener, but rather than looking over the other side of the fence I was going to water my own damn lawn!

I began to jot down all the reasons why I was appreciative of being single, and what do you know – I came up with 101 of them!

With summer just around the corner, I have a whole new list of reasons why it’s great to be single!  Let’s take a look through the top 20 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single This Summer:

  1. You’ll Look Better

We get into a relationship and we become complacent.  Not to mention, you just don’t seem to have as much time as when you’re single.  Being single means you have more time to hit the gym, and gives you the incentive you need to do so – get that gym body!

  1. More Friends

Single people have more emotional energy to share with friends.  When you enter into a relationship, you want to spend all the time you can with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  That’s cute, but now you have less time to spend with friends and your social circle dwindles.  Keep that social life luscious by living the single life.

  1. More Travelling

Summer is a fantastic time to get out and explore the open road.  When you are in a relationship you have to work out both of your schedules, and you have to choose a place that you both want to go to.  When you’re single, you have a ton of friends to choose from – at least one of them will be available and willing to head off to your favorite destination.

  1. Dating

Summer dating is fantastic – there are a TON of summertime activities that are a really good time, and usually FREE.  You don’t have to be guilty about going on a couple dates each week because you aren’t blowing your wallet.

  1. No Sharing Ice Cream

It’s summer… it’s freakin’ hot out.  So you go to the store to grab a tub of your favorite quality cookie dough ice cream.  When you’re single, you don’t have to share!  That tub is simply too small for two spoons.

  1. Getting Where you Need to Be

Doing anything always takes much longer when there are two people.  Getting ready to go out, picking a restaurant, and even planning your traveling adventures all take much less time when you’re solo.

  1. Finding Your Stuff

You have a way of organizing your things that may not make sense to someone else.  So your boyfriend or girlfriend, trying to be helpful, cleans the house and puts your things somewhere – and now you can’t find them!  When you’re running out of the house to hit the beach the last thing you want to do it rummage around looking for your bathing suit.

  1. Bonus Invites

There are lots of events happening in the summer!  If you are single and one of your friends of family members has an extra ticket somewhere they are going to ask you, you are the token single person there to save the day.

  1. Guilt-Free Adventures

In the summer you never know what shenanigans you’ll get up to. Boat rides with random hotties at the beach?  Heck yes!

  1. Belt it Out

Summertime is the best time to roll down your windows and belt it out to your favorite tune.  There’s an air of liberation that comes when you are alone in the car, that just isn’t there when you’re driving around with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

  1. You Know Where You’re Junk’s At

This point relates to junk in a sexual nature.  It’s summertime, there are scantily clad people everywhere and the risk of cheating is at an all-time high.  When you’re single, you know where your junk is and who you’re sharing it with.

  1. Let is Hang Low

It’s a fun visual, however this point goes for gals just as much as guys – you’re single, you live alone, and it’s hot out because its summer.  Why not be naked in your own home?  When you live with someone, even someone you’re comfortable with, you probably aren’t just wandering around the house naked.  When you’re single though – all bets are off (unless you don’t have blinds…then perhaps be conscious of your neighbors as well).

  1. No Foreign Shniggits

What is a schniggit you say?!  A schniggit is a small fleck of something, anything.  Those moustache trimmings he leaves in the sink? Schniggit!  The leg hairs sticking to the side of the tub after she shaves?  Shchniggits!  The pieces of sand dragged into the house after a day at the beach?  Those are schniggits too!  When you’re single the only schniggits you need to worry about are your own.  Somehow they are much less gross when they are yours.

  1. A Visitor in Your Own City

The first date always carries pressure of doing something exciting.  This helps you do things you wouldn’t normally do, and in the summer there are OH so many activities to try!  After a few first dates you now know you’re city better than before, and you have lots more activities to do with your friends.

  1. Mix Up Your Meals

When you’re single you can eat whatever you want! Summer time means farmer’s markets, with TONS of fresh local veggies.  No need to worry about whether your boyfriend or girlfriend will eat what you’re cooking – it’s all up to you!

  1. No Random Mess

No cleaning up someone else’s mess.  Whether it’s a dirty bathing suit in the bathtub, a used towel thrown on the floor from a day at the beach, or sandy flip flops in the hallway, when it’s someone else’s mess it’s WAY more annoying than when it’s yours.

  1. What Do You Want?

Ever been asked what you wanted to do and actually had no idea what to say?  In a relationship, you’re constantly taking into consideration what your partner wants to do, and not really thinking about what would make you happy.  Summertime has lots of fun activities for you to try – get out there and do something you wouldn’t normally do!

  1. Treat Yourself

Feel like buying a whole new summer wardrobe?  Go for it!  If you have the money, that is – I am not advocating debt for clothing.  In a relationship, your partner seems to feel as though they have a right to comment on all your purchases – when you are single, you can blow the bank without feeling that guilt.

  1. Finding Your Zen

No matter how similar you are to someone there will always be differences, and that means fighting.  Summer isn’t a time for fighting, it’s a time for relaxing and having fun!  No relationship means no squabbling.

  1. Sexy Magic

Newly single?  You just got hotter.  Once you own your singleness, you carry an air of independence about you that is envious to those in relationships, and extremely attractive to those who aren’t!  You strut down the beach feeling fine you saucy singleton.

What are YOUR reasons for being single this summer?  Leave a comment below!

Want to read up on all 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single? Check out the book on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble 

Single and tough

Challenge Yourself

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101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single lists a wide variety of benefits of living the single life, including not having to share your Ben N Jerry’s, being able to eat Lucky Charms for dinner, and binging on junk food without judgement.

It’s true – being single can make your inner glutton shiver with excitement and encourage you to take advantage of every fatty/sugary endeavor you can imagine. On the other end of the spectrum though, is the drive to achieve new fitness goals and try out new physical activities with all the time you have now that you’re single.

I don’t know about you, but I seem to do everything to excess.  If I feel like eating an entire bag of Oreos, I’m going to do it because that’s what I feel like doing! (Okay that’s a lie, I get really sick after half a bag, but I’ll get there someday.  It’s good to have life goals).  On the other hand, some days I’ll spend 2 hours at the gym and then go for a run later just because I’m in the zone.

This year, I decided that I should sign up for some sort of fitness challenge.  I did Tough Mudder in 2012 and had a blast, so I decided “why not put myself through that pain and suffering again?  After all, I did it once!”.

Once word got out that I was participating in Tough Mudder, friends starting asking me to do other fitness events with them.  In true all-or-nothing fashion I am now registered for Tough Mudder, the Sun Run, Mudderella, Mud Hero and Rugged Maniac.

This will either be the year that I become an all-around hard core total fitness bad-ass…. or die.  #itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on AuthorhouseAmazon, and Barnes and Noble 

Sports when you are single

Join All the Sports!

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When I am single I have a lot more time for extracurricular activities.  My week isn’t filled up with sitting in front of the TV with my significant other or going on dates.  I’m not saying those things are bad, I’m just saying that they take up quite a bit of time.

If I were to sit down and ask myself “do I want to join a sport a couple times a week, or spend that time watching TV”?  I would most definitely choose the sport.  However, for some reason when I am in a relationship I don’t ask myself what I want – I just sort of fall into the groove of the relationship.

I recently got really excited about this concept.  So excited that I joined a soccer team, a hiking club and a boot camp.  I already hit the gym quite frequently, gym time is solo.  I figured not only would these group fitness activities keep me fit, but I would also meet some pretty awesome people with the same interests.

Flying solo means I’m social and active – I’ll take it!  #itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on AuthorhouseAmazon, and Barnes and Noble 

Plant growth

Being Single = Personal Growth

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As I carefully plucked the dead leaves off my plant, I thought to myself that by removing these parts that the plant no longer needed, I was allowing it more room to breathe and grow.

Being me, I immediately had an “aha, metaphor!” moment and chuckled to myself like an idiot.  It’s true though – when I am in a relationship with someone who is incompatible or even toxic, I hold myself back from personal growth.  When I am single, I focus more on myself and how I can improve emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and physically.

I have had some toxic relationships.  I knew that they were “dead leaves” to my personal growth, and yet there was a part of me that nagged “if we try harder, if we change this part of our self, then this could work”.  Well, it didn’t work, and during the process of discovering this I faced some heavy emotional turmoil.  Truth was, we weren’t a good fit – we weren’t right for each other.

There is no regret there because this was a learning experience.  It simply meant that I need to be single and focus on growing personally and understanding myself better and what I need in a relationship.  No more square peg round hole!

I continue to grow myself emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and physically on a daily basis and I tell you – it feels amazing #itsgreattobesingle

101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on AuthorhouseAmazon, and Barnes and Noble