dating

The Misconception of Singleness

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Whenever I tell people that I wrote a book on being single they immediately give support, saying “good for you, men aren’t worth the time!” Or, “I hear that, relationships are nothing but bad news”.

This is an understandable and relatable reaction to being told someone’s written a book called 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single. However, my purpose for writing the book was not to draw negativity to relationships. In fact, that was the furthest thing from my mind.

The Foundation of My Scripted Fruition

However contradictory it may seem, the purpose of writing 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single had nothing to do with being in a relationship or not – instead, it had everything to do with appreciating what you have in that moment.  The reason why I focused on singleness is simply because it’s a status that many people find inferior.  As if being in a relationship confirms your worth and value.

In fact, I’m currently in a relationship, and I see no conflict or hypocrisy in being in one and at the same time being the author of 101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single.  “Why?” You inquire.  Well, I’m so glad you asked.  We all look on the other side of the fence.  Doesn’t matter what you have or what you do or who you’re with, someone will always have some thing or some circumstance that you don’t have, and the pull of envy can, at times, be too strong to deny.

So, I chose singleness as an example, but it could really be anything.  Feel too short?  Too overwhelmed?  Too heavy?  Too unattractive? Whatever it is, this book will hopefully make you question your perspective on your present circumstance.

So, let’s focus on singleness for now just as an example. Most people see those who are single as being less than; being unable to find someone.  As if…. being single means there is something wrong with you.

The Socially Accepted Misconception of Singleness

This view is backwards and needs to be addressed and eradicated. Being single does not mean there is something wrong with you – if you do seriously think that then sit down and list out all the people you could be in a relationship with.   You may say to yourself “pfft I would never date them though” – but that’s exactly it.  It isn’t that you don’t have anyone to date.  It’s that you don’t have anyone that you fit with, or want to be with.

If you’re rolling your eyes right now and saying “yeah well I actually have NO ONE who wants to date me so thanks for nothing”, well then you’re in luck because if you take advantage of these steps you’ll see the largest results.

The 5 Steps

When we focus on our problems, our problems seem larger.  When we focus on other areas of our lives however, we increase the positivity in our lives and our problems just don’t seem to bother us anymore until eventually they fade away.  The following 5 steps are ways to help you focus on YOU instead of your problems – whether that’s being single, not being good at something you wish you were, or other causes of discontent.

1. Know Your Worth

I don’t mean what you have in your bank account.  I’m talking about the internal value you place on yourself that no one else sees and only you know about.  Most people have baggage from past relationships that still affects them and seeps into present relationships (whether we acknowledge it or not). So we pick people to be with that we know aren’t good for us, but we feel an attraction to because “we’re just a really good fit”. (Not to get too into the psych mumbo jumbo, this scenario usually involves a link between your current cuddle muffin and your parent dynamic – thanks Freud ;)).

In summary, don’t be with someone who you aren’t excited about or who doesn’t treat you well just because you’re “unexplainably drawn to them”.

2. Work Towards Your Goals

You know what’s attractive?  Someone who has their shit together and is working on themselves. If you truly want to find someone in your life to be your life long partner, they better damn well be there to support you and your goals in life.  So what’s the best way to meet that person?  Why, focus on you of course! Do what you love and someone will just come along. I know it seems overly simple but it truly is the best way to meet someone (with no stress or over thought).

3. Surround Yourself with Good People

We’ve all had those friends that we know aren’t good for us, and yet you feel some sort of pull to them.  That pull is some good ol’ fashioned addiction.  Yep, as soon as you feel a need to see someone and yet cannot think of a positive outcome for seeing them, you’re stuck in the game.  Cut those people out completely.  It may seem harsh or cruel, but in reality it’s more cruel to keep them around while they slowly suck the life out of you.

4. Take Your ME Time

Almost every day after work I head straight to the gym.  I turn my phone off, put on my latest ipod jam and start out with some sort of cardio.  The next 2 hours are what I call my “me” time.  No phone, no small talk with randoms, no nothing.  Just gym, endorphins, music and muscle. The way life should be.

ME time is something that gets overlooked SO often, especially today where we have everything we could ever need right at our digital fingertips. We forget to shut off and live in the moment.

ME time is so important.  Whether its a bubble bath with a magazine, a gym session with no phone notifications or a coffee walk with coworkers, taking time out for you will always yield positive results.

5. Indulge When You Can

As soon as you deprive yourself of something, your body begins craving it more. Dieting is a great example – sure you may lose 20 pounds on Atkins by depriving yourself of carbs but as soon as you return to your normal it all comes back plus much more. Whether it’s restricting your food, your spending, your flirting, your shopping or other frivolous activities, if you see it as something you could do whenever you want to but choose not to do all the time, it won’t control your life or your happiness.

 

If there is something in your life that you’re discontent with – whether it’s your relationship status, how much money you have, the car you drive or some other discontentment, focusing on the problem only makes the problem bigger.

Instead, focus on YOU and doing things in your life that are positive and make you feel happy and fulfilled and eventually those things will just fall into place – without any meddling on your part 😉

Like my writing?  101 Reasons Why it’s Great to Be Single is available on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble!

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